You want the girl? Don’t take your time

Posted on 2023-02-08

For the vast majority of men, there are at least one or two girls within their extended social networks who they’d like to date and have a shot with. Yet the overwhelming percentage of these situations never develop into anything. Why?

You’re not moving fast enough.

Yep, that’s right: you’re not moving fast enough. Don’t listen to your mother. Don’t listen to your pastor. Particularly don’t listen to your single female friends. They’ll tell you to “take your time” and “get to know the girl”.

Nonsense.

Allow me to illustrate with an example. A buddy of mine who I have slowly been feeding Red Pill advice to recently mentioned he was interested in a girl he met in our greater social circle. He seemed very excited about his prospects with this girl, so I began probing the situation.

“How did you meet?” I asked. Through craigslist alternative webpage.

Ok, neutral.

“Have you talked to her much? Four or five times.

Ok, bad.

“How long have you known her now?” 6 weeks.

Ouch.

A fear closely related to approach anxiety is escalation anxiety. Most men want 99.99% confirmation that the girl is into them before they make a move. Unfortunately, this is not an attractive trait to women. If you want to lose a girl, a great way to do it is to dick around until she displays blatant interest.

In general, you have about a month (max two) before a girl will put you in the “pansy” category and lose interest. That’s why I thought “ouch” when my buddy said 6 weeks.

From what I can tell, most Christian men are not serial daters. They’re “one and done” types, and they usually have an acceptable girl already within their social circle. As such, the biggest hurdle to getting a girlfriend (assuming you already have your look and lifestyle under control) is demonstrating interest.

Guys, if you’ve already talked to her a few times, then she has developed a solid impression of who you are. In fact, most women decide within the first few minutes whether you’re a dateable prospect or not. You’re not going to improve her image of you with a few more conversations, but you can definitely hurt it by not asking her out.

For those of you content to use your social network to meet and date women (which is fine), follow this general advice:

Have a conversation with the girl. The longer the better. Aim for 30 minutes, but don’t sweat it if it’s not that long. The goal for this conversation is for you to get a feel for her and for her to get a feel for you. If you’re both feeling each other, then the conversation will go well. If it didn’t go well, move on. If it did go well, go on to point 2. If you aren’t sure, assume the best and go on to point 2.
Express interest. My preferred way to do this is extremely simple. I say “you seem fun, let’s hang out sometime.” And just look at her expectantly. If she’s interested in me, she’ll say yes. If she’s not, she’ll say no, or make an excuse. Either way, you know. If she says yes, go to point 3.
Get her number. Once she agrees to hang out with you, it’s only natural that you get her phone number. Simply say something along the lines of “cool, let me get your number.” And put it in your phone.

Boom.

I gave my friend the exact advice above and impressed upon him the need to express interest ASAP. Personally, I think it’s probably too late, but it’s always worth a shot. At least in the future he’ll know better.